How does it feel when you have anticipated the future with somebody and you realize they aren’t even a part of your life today?

Dear ex,

I wonder if you ever think about me like I do. I think about you while I’m driving and your favourite song plays. I think about all the duet performances we did in my car. How we drove for hours to eat your favorite Butterscotch and caramel ice cream. The days we spent watching movies laying on our couch. Every time I listen to a romantic song I think of dedicating it to you. Fridays don’t excite me anymore as much as they used to. Parties remind me of your dancing, your toned body moving with the rhythm and beats of loud music and your hair swaying in the air like you didn’t care. The post party confessions are still so precious.

I still go to your favorite store on the 4th of every month with the hope of seeing you. I hide at the corner to just have a glance of your face. Just to see if you still keep tucking strands of your hair above your left ear. And trust me I could look at you for hours. After months of hoping, waiting, praying I did get to see you. And I’ve never felt happy to be alive until that day. Almost instantly I felt the pain on my chest reduce. I saw you intricately, and it felt therapeutic. I want to be your shopping list keeper and help you as you swatch five thousand shades of red lipstick on your hand. I want to just sit with you everyday and share my cup of coffee and talk. I wonder how we never ran out of things to talk about. Can’t we just watch ‘Beautiful Sunrise’ one last time and cuddle? I miss your hands, your cold hands.
I want you to know that I’d do anything just to carry you on my back and sing Ed Sheeran songs. My eyes welled up when I saw you pick the cologne I use. When I look at you, I observe that nothing much has changed about you. Just that you’ve become a strong and an independent woman. And I can’t tell how proud I’m, for the person you’re becoming. Your absence is painful. Maybe we were meant to be apart to realize how much we NEED each other?
I want you to know that I’ll never forget the way you talk about things you like and about the people you love. I search for you in every person I meet. In every conversation, I think about your views on it. I want you to know that you deserve somebody who knows what it is to have you. I hope you fall in love all over again. And I desperately hope that would be me. If you’re reading this I want you to know that I never thought something so perfect, pure and passionate could exist and then you happened.

Love and apologies,
Your ex.